Add elegance and balance to your life, inside and out by practicing how to French Kiss Life with Tonya Leigh.
This week’s episode of The 7 Days To Amazing Podcast with Sharon Haver featured guest is the brilliant master coach, entrepreneurial genius, and creator of French Kiss Life movement, Tonya Leigh.
Tonya joins me to talk about how you can elevate your lifestyle, business, attitude and energy to create more fulfilling life experiences– despite your age, career or your upbringing.
Understanding the big picture is crucial to success, but sometimes our ambitions and goals in life keep us in a constant chase to the future life we seek.
Tonya teaches the importance of celebrating the little things in life. She shows that the key to a truly elegant and fulfilled life is to slow down, to be mindful of the present and enjoy life’s luxuries as they exist every day.
I’ve also asked Tonya some behind the scenes questions about how she runs her business and how the French Kiss Life community has grown to help you understand how to grow a business that you are passionate about.
Sit back and enjoy this elegant episode of the 7 Days to Amazing Podcast.
Don’t forget, as always, if you love this episode share with your friends. You’ll find the complete episode transcription to take notes and plenty of memes to share the love on your social media.
French Kiss Your Life
Make your life, business and style even more amazing in the next week. Life coach tips for entrepreneurial women.
- Learn how to be more in your life
- Tend to the details of your life because you can get so caught up in the big picture, getting to that goal out there but we neglect what really makes life worth living
- Learn how to emotionally manage yourself
- Learn how to tweak what is in your life so that you are not always in a state of waiting, and you’re in a state of being
- Learn how to allocate yourself and be your own boss by setting up work hours
- Train your brain to focus more on the good of life by celebrating something everyday
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Welcome to the Seven Days to Amazing Podcast where you learn how to make your life, business and style even more amazing in the next week! Now your host, Sharon Haver of FocusOnStyle.com.
Helping you live the life that others only dream about, so you can be the best at being you.
Tonya Leigh is the founder of French Kiss Life, a destination for women who want to inject more elegance, style and joie de vivre into their daily lives.
As a certified Master Coach, internationally-trained sommelier, and joie de vivre instigator for women of every age,
Tonya has a simple mission to inspire women to style their minds, bodies, lives and success – from the inside out and the outside in.
Tonya has worked with Oprah and the IKEA Life Improvement Project, been featured in Forbes, and spoken to global audiences about entrepreneurship, lifestyle and other matters of the heart.
She lives in the gorgeous mountains of Colorado with her teenage daughter and English Golden, Winston, butyou’ll often find her sipping on fine wine or tea at a small cafe somewhere in the world, French Kissing Life.
Through a vibrant online community of women, online programs and immersive LIVE experiences, Tonya infuses a French flair into her teachings to encourage women to slow down and cultivate well-lived lives no matter where they live in the world.
Tonya has a special, indescribable magic of making it all seem so effortlessly glorious, so much so that she is one of my guest experts in my C’est Chic Crash Course.
So welcome Tonya Leigh I am delighted to have you here today!
Thank you so much for having me Sharon, you are one of my favorite people, it is truly an honor, thank you.
Thank you for being here and you are one of my favorite people too because you have such, you have such a poise about putting things in a way that seems so easy and effortless and glamorous, a deep breath of life that everybody I think wants to take.
For those of you that aren’t familiar with your manifesto on how French Kiss Life came to be and why it matters, can you tell the audience what is French Kiss Life, what is it all about?
Yeah, I would love to. The story for me starts way back, I grew up in the deep south in the bible belt in a trailer, in a very religious home, so I was probably lie a lot of women listening to this, as a little girl you have dreams and I always dream of wanting to travel.
I remember seeing a picture of the Eiffel Tower and thinking one day I want to go, but life happens and I ended up getting married at a very early age, I went to nursing school and worked as a critical care nurse for 15 years, I got to a point where I was wondering, What happened to that little girl that had all those dreams? By this time I was over weight, I was overwhelmed and I was over-worked, I finally got to go to Paris.
I will never forget, the whole week I was just taking it all in, it was like the story of The Prodigal Son, I finally felt that I had come home and I just noticed the way people lived and moved throughout their days, what they gave attention too and what seemed important in their lives, it was very different from the culture that we grew up in, about hustling and going harder, faster, stronger, crushing it and grinding it, a very masculine energy that we tend to grow up in.
On my very last day I was walking through the Luxembourg Gardens and I remember just taking it all in and I saw old men playing Bache Ball, they were very well dressed, I felt women just sitting by the fountain reading a book and I saw mothers having a picnic with their kids, lovers kissing and I said out loud “Oh my god. These people are ‘French Kissing Life’.
Granted I had no idea that I one day would have a company called French Kissing Life, but what I did know in that moment was that I wanted to figure out how to infuse that essence into my own life, again I was extremely over-weight, my mind was so chaotic, I remember just asking the question How can I combine ambition with ease? because I think we are ambitious women, I am sure any woman that is listening to this, because they are attracted to you, you have dreams, you have desires, you have ambition, and yet so many people in the pursuit of those things really lose out on a large part of their life.
They miss out time with their kids, their health goes to hell, all of these things, and you have to ask, what is it all really for? so I don’t claim to be an expert, I simply have been a woman who has been living out these questions that I’ve been asking and getting pretty good results with it, I love sharing what I have learned on my journey with others.
That is just fascinating and it is true and obviously my audience does have a bit of ambition because like attracts like, what I have noticed is that so many women who I don’t want to say ambition in an aggressive kind of manly macho way, I am not a girly girl, I am not all pink and glitter by nature but I still have a feminine side or a human side, but using a word like crushing it drives me crazy.
I don’t even know how to get that out of my mouth, crushing it, I think of somebody crushing two beer cans on their head.
I think we have this and so many women as they are trying to ascend in their career or stay relevant, what happens is the lose touch with what makes them tick, so they lose touch with their appearance, how they feel, what they see, what inspires them and they kind of become a very grumpy machine of getting ahead and not realizing that especially today in todays visual world, you cant over look your image, you can overlook how you project yourself as that is what people buy into, it is not about dressed up all the time, it is about finding a way to stay in tune with yourself and that will in tune make you feel more confidant, make you feel more successful and somehow with the right tools and strategies make you more successful in your business and that will be what evoked your ambition as you then become a full best version of yourself.
One of the things that I like to teach people is how you can be the best at being you and that is something that is so often overlooked and really you have cornered that with people, of turning it around to be the best at being and finding that moment, I think it is really fascinating too that ‘French Kiss Life’, came to you out of the blue when you were watching something, that is how the best ideas come to us, you let them happen and become inspired.
Its so true, its so true and that is what I love to recommend to women, especially entrepreneurial women because what we often do is we sit at our desk all day, we are trying to force ideas and we get frustrated when the don’t come to us, my best advice in those moments is go do something completely unrelated to your business, whether it is taking your dogs for a walk, meeting u with your friend, watching a movie, or something. If it is feeling too tense, too much pressure and nothing is coming, your idea is waiting for you somewhere else, get away from the office, step away, the world will not fall apart if you go and relax and go do something that you enjoy, often times that is where our best ideas are waiting for us.
Absolutely I cant agree with you more, I think that is what happens people lose track of what inspires them, I know when you are running an online business and sometimes there are days when you go “Arrgghhhh’, then when you get to that point and you have to do something creative and you want to do something different, you are like Oh My God and you can’t pull it out of the hat.
I take Bo, Mr. Poodle and we go on a walk or I walk to Soho and I window shop, or I meet a friend, or I do something different, even if you don’t want to leave and I know it works for me, where do you want to go for your next vacation, go look at it online.
I keep thinking of going somewhere, I just run the video of the live cam, I have a place in Jackson Hole and they have this Town Square live cam, it’s a YouTube sensation, it’s like watching paint dry but people love it, I don’t know why and I actually found myself when I was not able to go to Jackson, I looked at the live cam, this is a good idea.
At least it takes you away from yourself if you can’t go somewhere, get out of the house is the best thing, get out of the office and if you want to go to Italy, go to an Italian restaurant for dinner, if you want to go to France have a croissant, do something that at least takes you to something that inspires you.
You have such a wonderful and devoted and vibrant community of women who adore you, and you adore them back, it is such a pleasure to watch, as it is such a love fest, what is your secret sauce for bonding with your community and I know someone as a business person but who do they get… I don’t want to say adoration but it it’s true in your case, but how do you really get women who just adore you so much and really want to bond, is it something that comes organically or is it just irresistible that you are, what is the secret sauce and magic for other people out there that are trying to build that kind of following?
Yeah, well thank you for that. I think it is important to point out that this has not been an overnight success, I am going on almost ten years, I have just been persistent and providing value but I have seem especially over the last two years it has just taken off.
I will be really honest, the reason that I think that has happened is that I have been more willing to share and be vulnerable, I went through a divorce four years ago and just being able to share with women, yeah it is scary, I worried, I am not perfect, I failed everyday at something, I am afraid sometimes just like you, and just be willing to be real and at the same time not dumping on your community.
I have seen some people to do that, when they try to openly process what they are going through in live time, I am a big believer in you get through it then share everything that you have learned in that process in order to serve others, so I think that is one thing and then my whole community is built on celebration and often in the personal development world which is what I am in, its framed as you are broken and you need to fix yourself and I am going to show you how to do it, my message is very different, you are not broken, you don’t need to be fixed, you need to really start enjoying your life more and celebrating you more and to have a safe space of other women In which you can do that I think is rare, I don’t think you see that a lot.
The other thing I will say, well a couple of things, I think in business if you are not mindful you can get into the mindset of what can I get, to get, to sell, sell, sell and I have the opposite mindset, I am a big believer that if you will love and you serve then the rewards will come from that, you don’t have to obsess about it.
I give away tons of free content, I am very involved with my community, I get emails all of the time from women who haven’t paid for one of my programs and they say “Just working or reading your blog, listening to your podcast changed my life”, I am so thrilled with that.
Yes, me too, I get the same too.
A certain amount of good will, I think you can’t give enough free good stuff and be there for them. At a certain point to take it to the next level they have to come to the conclusion that they want to start piecing it together and work on a way that is more specific, but maybe not, maybe they are okay with that stuff. Some people teach that No, you have to…give me the check now or go out; I just don’t think that is very nice.
I come from a journalism background and from my newspaper column, I am so used to giving things to people, I am so used to being a columnist, I am so used to giving out advice on the side or doing something, so I think there is nothing wrong with that. I know for me at a certain point you get more when you work with people at a higher level and when you invest in yourself… especially in business advice you get more stuff, but I think there I also ways of being a voyeur in a sense and not paying for something and still helping people and that’s okay on both ends.
Yeah and absolutely, I was thinking, there is one gal that I absolutely love what she sells, she has great programs, the one thing that really bothers me is though, she goes dark for parts of the year.
I know…I know, I think I know the same person.
The only time she comes out is to sell, I think to myself, she is brilliant, she is smart, if she could be more constant throughout the year I can’t help but wonder would her results be more, it is none of my business, I still celebrate her.
I just want to … I just want to give and love and serve, I really want my life to be an example of what’s possible because I am completely a different woman, everything from the way I talk, how I look to my lifestyle than I otherwise was even a decade ago and so I am just here to inspire, I really feel that is my calling and to help others figure out how to create a life that they love, so if I am doing that every day, everything else… it’s crazy, it just takes care of itself.
Then again I would like to say one other thing about community because we live in an online world and I just two years ago I got this deep longing to connect with women in person, so I have done a tour, I went to mini cities across the states, and didn’t charge women could just come and we would have cocktails together, I got to meet these women face-face.
Then I did host a dinner, then women could upgrade and then go to dinner, which is incredible…just a fabulous affair, I have to say, I am doing it again this year, I think women for me in my community getting away from our computers and actually connecting face-face has built this camaraderie and this connection that I didn’t know if it could be built virtually alone.
Now I agree with you, I am actually planning… or just figuring out small very small events… probably in New York as well, helping connect with people, I agree there is something to be said about getting outside and talking to people and knowing that when you see them go through their thread ‘Oh Hi Denise”. I know who you are, the other thing I want to touch on about the internet and that is… if people aren’t familiar with Tonya and you are just listening to us on iTunes right now, then be sure to hop over to Focus On Style where there will be resources and you will get to see what Tonya looks like and we will give you ways of connecting with Tonya later… but she is gorgeous people.
You are gorgeous and she has this beautiful bikini body, she is beautiful and that wasn’t something that came overnight, two of the things that I want to touch on, one is back what you said earlier that you have been doing this for ten years, everyone seems to think that everyone is an overnight success but I know there is a famous quote and I can’t remember now, but basically is it an overnight success ten years in the making, or an over night success in 20 years in the making or whatever it is in the making, nothing.
There are very few people who win Powerball, your life doesn’t change that way, everything that you do builds upon what you did yesterday, it affects what you do tomorrow, what you are today, you can only focus on today. It just builds and builds and that is what means so much more in the end, the other thing is, in this internet world that we live in, there are a lot of people who give TMI into their communities or to people in their posts.I don’t want to know about that horrible that you had with your husband last night, or how he cheated on you… or what you found, it’s just too much information and on the same thing, if you are coming out online to talk to people, to do a little webcam, to do a little
I don’t want to know about that horrible that you had with your husband last night, or how he cheated on you… or what you found, it’s just too much information and on the same thing, if you are coming out online to talk to people, to do a little webcam, to do a little live, to put up a video, to do a headshot, I think from a personal standpoint of being a little old fashioned it is a respect for the person on the other side, if you go into a meeting that you look like you, its respect to the person that you are talking to the person that you are talking to, you don’t look like the schmlup that was cleaning your carburetor, you actually bathed and dressed yourself that day.
If you are out there as a business person representing your brand that you look on brand, no one says that you have to be all jourged up every day but that you know how to hold yourself on camera, you know how to hold yourself on video, you know how to create a visual message, that when someone is going down the Facebook and they see the celebrities that they are following and that they see the thought leaders they are following and the people they love, then all of a sudden, your little video or photo, or something comes up on Facebook, its startling next to everything else, I think that we live in such a visual world that it is important to take the time to invest in ourselves and how we represent ourselves.
It’s baffling to me and going back to these entrepreneurs there is so many people who have forgot about that.
I think there is a fine balance because, we were talking about this before, for everyone listening Sharon and I was catching up before and I was just sharing with her that I am going through a rebrand, I have had the same website for years, and I finally got to a point last year, okay its time to upgrade this circa 1999 website and it has served me up until this point.
I do think that it is important to do your best and to realize that as you evolve, as you grow it is just going to get better, so start where you are and do your best wherever you are.
It is just like me, I have been talking about doing video, and I do a lot of Facebook lives and things, but I want to contribute more to my YouTube channel and I have had all of these reasons why I couldn’t, we have the amazing Marie Fornier of the world and all of these fashion YouTubers who have a film crew now and they produce these really amazing videos, well where I am right now, I say I couldn’t, I probably could pull off a video crew but it is just not practical, I realized the other day, You know what Tonya, you have an IPhone, and IPhones actually have very good video capability, you have a decent office, you have a message, stop waiting.
I whole heartedly agree, show up and represent your brand and don’t let trying to get it perfect stop you from taking action because even if you go back and I am sure everyone listening knows Marie Fornier, if you go back and look at her at the very beginning, her videos were pretty simple.
In her kitchen with a blender behind her.
Yeah, and look t where she is now, I think it is important to start with what you have in this moment and build up the courage to put yourself out their whether it is through writing, video, podcast whatever medium is calling you and know that as you do it, you are just going to get better.
I watched some of my old videos and I cringe, why would people want to be my friend after seeing them.
I will tell you something that is interesting, I started a quick tip video a few months ago with my IPhone, part of it is, that’s why I have a program that is going to be releasing soon called ‘Simply Amazing Headshots’, is that I come from that background, so I was a stylist from a major photo shots, I was working on everybody else’s brand, I could see things that were all over the place, my life was behind the scenes, I was like, I cant do a video, I have to do X and yadda yadda, and I am like…it actually impeded my success because what happened was that I couldn’t do it the way if somebody had paid me to be on their huge team for myself, so I wasn’t doing it, until I realized. I got a phone, I could do things in one minute in one take, I don’t need to have a video crew following me around, I don’t need to have quick sassed, edits and stuff, write a story board for everything I do, I got a life, I could say it in one take. That is what I did with these quick tip videos.
One of the most freeing things that I ever did, obviously though I have the professional back ground so I know how to make them look a little bit better on one take, that’s what I teach other people but once you know how, it is easy and it is very liberating, in the same token you cant be the same person in the video where the only thing you see is your neck and it’s not… the composition is all off, the branding is all off, but we all have a way of getting over message out there, and we shouldn’t be the one who thinks they need this crazy crew following them around, that’s just absurd.
I don’t know about you but I don’t want to ever have that crew following me around.
Maybe one day I wouldn’t mind just because I don’t want to have to think about it that much but right now.
But once you know how to do it you don’t have to think about it, once you understand lighting, if you get everything that is great 80% of the time, the 20% of the time, you decide to do one on the beach, you don’t have any makeup on, no one cares.
Because you are real, but I know there is a video… I think its Michael if you are here text me if I am right, I think it is called Instagram Husbands it is hysterical, how to get a boyfriend.
I have seen that it is hilarious, I think if you just go on YouTube… anyone listening, I think it is boyfriends of Instagram or something like that, it is totally hilarious, it’s a great point because I know when you are first starting out in business or even if you have been in business for a while, it is so easy to look around at what everyone is posting and to create this story of their life is so perfect, the fact of the matter is, I don’t care who you are, I don’t care how much money you make or how ‘Successful’ you are, every human being ahs their won challenges and their struggles, and a lot of people aren’t comfortable at sharing them.
For me I don t look anymore, if I do I just celebrate but I realize the reality of life is that everybody… they may not share it, but they are having challenges and struggles just like all of us, we are all human beings just trying to do the best we can so for anyone listening just be cognoscente of that when you see what is going on in the internet world.
Absolutely, I think it is the whole point of reality of what we said before, there is a fine line, I love that you said you are getting frank and sharing your vulnerabilities but not until a lesson is learned afterwards, I think so many people just, they dribble their daily problems, some people really get sucked into it and love it, but I don’t know if those are the people that I would want in my life.
I think there is a fine line of being real but not being dirty nitty gritty with everything that is going on, like when you are doing your renovations I want to see a before and after, with a few steps of the in between but I don’t want to see the day that your toilet exploded,
I think it really depends on your brand too, for some people they have mindfully built a brand on giving behind the scenes of all of their lives, if that’s your brand. It’s just not mine and it sounds like it is not yours either.
I just think that whatever you do be very deliberate about it and be very intentional of why you are doing it
Absolutely and I think if you share too much it can be very uncomfortable for the audience, they don’t know what… they don’t know how to react to it or how to take it.
Sometimes I think some people just follow along, as it is just that voyeur thing and other times I think it might just turn people off.
I don’t want to know what color of panties you’re wearing today thank you.
I think if you just put your message out there whatever it is it is going to turn people off, some people will love it, some people love seeing all of that, I am just a big believer of bei9ng true to you and when you are, the chance are everybody is not going to like it, you are not going to be everybody’s glass of champagne and that’s ok. Jut knowing that you will attract those people that are meant to hear your message really love what you do.
Absolutely, you tend to repel the wrong people and attract the right people when you are real, that just puts a line in the sand of being what is true to you.
So what I like to ask everyone is, if you could tell the audience a few tips of what could make their life more amazing this week, what… what can we do, what is some Tonya Leigh-isms to have a more amazing life?
Oh my goodness, this is a great question, I have a long list.
I am sure you do.
I didn’t prep for this question, a big part of my message is all about tending to the details of our lives because we can get so caught up in the big picture, getting to that goal out there but we neglect what really… I think makes life worth living, it’s the having a candle burning, or having background music or taking 10-15 minutes to do something that really inspires you or fills you with some kind of nourishment, whether that is reading a book, going for a walk, and it can also be style, the detail of really caring about how you are showing up for yourself.
I just really find that when we work from home that can be one of the first things that goes.
In fact I am about to record a podcast about this very thing, coaching a woman like many years ago and she was talking about how she wanted to show up better, and she was feeling very frumpy and I was trying to coach her through it and I looked down and I had on some old tattered pajamas, I looked like I had the flu, I hadn’t brushed my hair, it was a wakeup call for me, because even if we are just with ourselves everything is energy.
I know that when I take the time to look my best and I am not talking about wearing Au Couture dresses every day but really just putting effort into that, it impacts how you show up even if it is on a phone call.
You know it impacts your energy it then impacts on whatever you are putting your energy into, so what are some of the details of your daily life that really wants your attention, maybe it is fresh flowers, a candle, dressing up, maybe its taking the time to make up your bed every morning but those little things that we often put on the back burner get neglects and yet they really matter, especially for women, we love beautiful spaces, I would definitely suggest that.
Lets see what are two other things that I could share that would impact your life, I would like to suggest making time to connect with community, and that could be your husband, that could be your children, it could be friends, I just find that in the entrepreneurial world especially we can become very alienated and if we are not mindful and we don’t make it a priority we can wake up after a month and realize that we haven’t talked to a friend in forever and so for me that is just something that is a priority in my life and I make time for it, nothing falls apart, if anything it just makes me better when I come back to my work, and the other thing that I am going to suggest is, oh gosh now I am getting all these ideas.
I have set work hours and this changed everything for me because I was letting my work bleed into my personal life, everything, so I established set work days and work hours and I show up to it as if I was showing up if I had a boss and I know what needs to be accomplished for that time to be a success for the day, when my day is done, my set work hours, I shut everything off and now it is time for me to be in my personal life, and that’s just really helped me really care for both of those areas of my life, I am the kind of person that if I don’t shut it off I will be up working until midnight because I love it so much but in the meantime, I have a dog that wants to be walked and my daughter wants to talk with me and friends that I want to see, so I think having set work hours can be super powerful because it forces you to be more productive, if you know at 6pm you are turning it off, I am going to have to really focus on getting things done, you actually end up getting more done than if you just let it bleed into all parts of your life
I totally agree, I founded Focus On Style when Brian my son was a baby, was an infant, I was on maternity leave when I was changing from a newswire to a syndicated column and the syndicator didn’t really abide by the contract and sold my column out to more papers when I son was newborn.
So I had mummy mush brain and was forced into working in an early point and I had to work through it but I still had a loyalty to the people he had signed me onto, what I did was, I built this business on nap time, I built this business on spending the time with my baby and mostly everything I did was when he was sleeping, or when he was playing a game, I learned very quickly that I could get so much done in such a small amount of time when I set the attention of what I was going to get done and the goal, and I tried to keep it to myself so much that, I think next month I am online 18.5 years, and I realized that when I strayed form that set time is when other things in your life fall apart. You just get burnt out, that is really a fantastic tip.
Yeah it has been really helpful for me and I love what you have just shared because in working with women with you do, we hear all of these excuses as to why they can’t do something, so your story of doing this while your son was an infant is so inspirational and I hope anyone listening that has, I don’t have enough time, I have got family, if something is important enough you will find the time, you will make the time.
Absolutely. If there is something that is calling to you, its just excuses, maybe it will take longer to reach the end goal or maybe you will become more productive in the time you have, but everything is doable and if money is your problem then you will find the way to find the money to do what you want to do.
If you want it enough you will figure it out
Yeah and there is one last thing I wanted to add to that list and this is not something that you could do over the next 7 days, but I think it is something that needs to be said and I really think that when you learn to do this there is nothing that you cant be, do or have.
This is something that I see lacking sometimes in the entrepreneurial space and it’s gaining the tools to learn how to emotionally manage yourself.
I am a big believer and I am curious to hear your answer to this is, but I am a big believer in that your mindset will depict your success in whatever you chose to do, so many women are working against themselves not because there is anything wrong with them but just because they are still carrying around old beliefs, limiting beliefs that doesn’t match what they want to go.
It takes resilience and courage and faith and tenacity to reach any goal, whether it is in business or somewhere else, so learning and gaining the tools and the skills to be able to manage yourself emotionally I think is far more important than anything else, anything else.
Absolutely, so many women want to be the damsel in distress and they don’t know how to get it done, its like superstition your not going to get up the hill, you need to go back and a few of the things that you’ve said before and just create that space for yourself, create that white space, maybe it will take 10 years to get to where you want to be but create the space in your day where you can walk away and subconsciously figure it out, rather than sitting there banging your head against the wall at your desk or at the computer, walk away, look at a store window, go get coffee, go to a museum, go to an art gallery, go for a hike, go for whatever wets your whistle that day and in that I think you will learn how to get past that emotional state and into the real state of your heart, of what you want to do and it will come to you, just like you are walking away and one day ‘French Kiss Life’ came to you, the right always things come to you at the right time when you let them, so you have to let them come to you.
Yeah and get out in the world.
Get out …get out of the house.
Follow your curiosities and see where they take you, I mean my curiosities lead me to sommelier school and back to France and to Monaco, like the girl from the trailer got invited to be part of the Monaco luxury network, how did that happen? Its because, even when I was afraid, even when I was feeling discomfort, I still put myself out there and shared my desires and contributed and one thing lead to another. Notice what you are curious about and what if you give yourself that permission to follow your curiosity, you may be surprised at where it takes you
Absolutely and another thing, let me ask you this one, what I find with working with a lot of entrepreneurial women or women who are in transition and changing their life, rebranding and reinventing themselves.
I find a lot of the time that the reason that they don’t do something is because they are really hiding and they are hiding from themselves because if what if they really reached that goal?
What if they really did their bucket list item or their dream or whatever it is, or whatever floats their boat that day and I find that they are so afraid of that … they are so afraid of that goal, of reaching that apex that they are actually hiding and retreating from something that could really just blossom from them in so many different ways, so what is your advice to women who you see they are hiding from their true self and what they want to be?
I think my work is really getting to the cause of why you are hiding. For me my experience ahs been that women hide because … well several reasons but it really comes down to, if I become too much people will leave me, I could be alone, my family wont recognize me, and so there is this fear of loss around success.
If there is dichotomy happening within you, it’s really hard to create what it is you want as you are constantly pulled in two directions, so really looking at why you are hiding, why you are afraid and addressing that, now you are not being pulled… well you are not being pulled back you are being pulled towards what you want, until you dig down deep and figure out behind the why of whatever it is you do, its going to be really difficult to get momentum in your life because your energetically going to be having opposing forces within you.
That is so interesting and I also hope that anyone of you who are listening that you really pay head as it is true, for me it is just so sad when you see someone… who could reach her fullest potential who could really stand out and not be in the doldrums in the cave and hiding and you just want to give that little push, what does it take to blossom?
You would be so much more confidant and it would all be so much easier, you would be self assured and know you can do it, you’ve got to do it to know you can do it, even though it leads to believing in yourself I think.
I think too a lot of women hide because they are afraid of being judged.
Yes… which is interesting as I think there is a certain amount of FU attitude that gets you to the next step, I want to do it no matter what because I believe in it and think… I know for myself that if I believe in it you cant stop me, if I am sort of well, maybe I should, I have got to take that white space time and see, its just not worth it.
I think if you are excited about something, you believe in something, you spend the time researching it and its right, getting inspired by it, then its probably right. You should just do it and you feel so much better.
No matter what it is, if it’s a pair of shoes or learning how to build your site in WordPress, whatever it is, if that is something that is calling to you, then go get new shoes, re-do your logo, whatever it is but just learn to deal with it.
Yeah and I have one more life changing thing to share if you don’t mind. I know we are coming up on the end, I cant believe I forgot this one.
We as women are so programmed to focus on everything that we think is wrong and what we are not doing right, all of the things that you don’t want to experience, one of the best ways that you could change your life over the next 7 days, is to shift that focus to celebration, so everyday before you go to bed, celebrate what you did get accomplished, celebrate what did go well, what is going right in your life and begin to train your brain to focus more on the good of life because it is always there, if you are listening to this it means that you have probably got some kind of smart phone, you are in a country that affords you electricity, so there are things going right in your life, begin to focus there and shift your energy and as you do that you are going to find that you are more inspired, you take more inspired action when you are feeling better.
Celebrate something every single day.
I think that is something… I was raised where my mother was a perpetual glass is half full, she was the Virgo pessimist of life, I think once I finally got to a point in my life where seeing my life as half full than half empty, and taking into account the, it could be better, but I am this and I am that, it made everything else so much easier for me, it really… it was a huge mind shift and it didn’t come over night, it came from, okay I am going to change my focus on this, I am going to focus my focus on that, I am going to change my attention on this, and eventually it was a new lease on life.
And it takes effort, as those neural pathways are deep so you have to literally restyle your mind for something else.
Celebration I find is a fun and actually easy way to do that.
How do you celebrate?
Oh my gosh, its more of a spirit and attitude, in fact I was outside picking up dog poop earlier, I was just out there saying, this is the best thing ever, I have a dog who is pooping, that’s a good sign.
My daughter was laughing at me, everything is amazing for you, I said “Yes, why look at it any other way”, it is what it is, you can complain about it or you can celebrate it, its more of a spirit thing but I sip champagne several nights a week, I don’t wait for a special occasion to have champagne, yeah I, just a typically not always, I’m not the Dalai Lama, I see life as this amazing playground and it really is about perspective.
Yeah you know I’m not a champagne drinker but I am a red wine drinker so I sip wine several times a week, I know you like your wine too.
I think it is… so many women either drink for the wrong reasons or I can’t have a good bottle of wine, I can’t have this, if you really want something like that to celebrate. We have been doing this food that comes to you and you make the… I don’t want to name the brand, actually it’s Sun Baskets, we drink Sun Baskets a lot, we used to go out to eat a lot, now three night s a week we use Sun Baskets at home, we realized… why not? you can have an actual Sun Basket which is pretty inexpensive, pull out a good bottle of wine, why don’t you?.
Then you don’t feel so guilty, it’s a matter of balance, so pull out the $60-$100 wine with the $12 dinner, and then its more balanced or a different celebration, or just do the best you can in something that makes you feel better, maybe just take a sip and stretch the bottle with a little bit, you can with a good cork.
Or just drink it and have fun and don’t save it for a special occasion, just incorporate that in your life and that’s very French too.
Yes a little French flair to our American lives for sure.
For some reason champagne and bubbles do not agree with me anymore, two things I can’t drink well, Sangria even if I say no sugar and Champagne and I think there is a sugar balance that gets me tipsy too fast, but I can sip a good wine.
We each have our flavor it could be hot tea, really honoring your life, it’s really a ritual that honors life.
It’s the same thing about flowers, just put them where you want, they are not going to change your life… don’t just save it.
I grew up … my mother was saying “Are you going to wear that tonight, save it for a special occasion”, I have so many clothes that I say, just save for special occasions, but if I feel like going out and wearing it tonight, then tonight’s a special occasion.
I know for so many women who work for home, and I am guilty of it myself, you may not want to wear that white suit that is dry clean only sitting at the computer all day, but you know what put on that jacket when you go out to walk the dog with jeans and a t-shirt, you still make it a special occasion.
So learn how to tweak what is in your life so that you are not always in a state of waiting and you are in a state of being, and I think that is so important.
Yeah absolutely, I am so glad you mentioned that because it is learning how to be more in our lives.
I want to wrap up a couple of your tips because I know we went long on them, so that people do remember to take them away.
One is really attending to the details in your life, and being able to connect with community whether it is family, friends, or be it your online community, whatever it is, something bigger than yourself.
Setting up work hours, doing what you can in the time you allocate yourself, I think that is so important and acting as if it is your own business, as if you had a boss, then we have emotionally manage, I think that is so important, and for women that is so important you shouldn’t really be drawn by wild emotions, taking control of how you feel and why you feel it and the fifth one is celebrate.
If you do nothing else this week… celebrate.
And if you do nothing else this week, connect with Tonya Leigh.
Where can they find you? your welcome.
Actually I would love to give to your community my insiders guide to the French way of life, there are some actually really great tips in there on how to add more ease into you’re ambition and how to live a well more lived life and so if you go to:
You can download a free copy of that.
And I am also all over the interweb, Facebook, Instagram; I have a Podcast, French Kiss Life podcast.
I am everywhere.
It is Tonya Leigh, and if you are listening on iTunes, that’s great, hop on over to:
Maybe we will make this URL French Kiss life, you gave me a URL, I will give you a URL.
Will have not only the transcription but links to the all of Tonya’s resources on there as well, so don’t forget to download on ITunes and hope over to Focus on Style, if you are the kind of person who likes to read, cool you can read it there, print it out and highlight what you want to do this week.
Thank you thank you Tonya for being here, it was just divine.
I just love you.
And we should not let so much time pass, we should do what we said, we should be in contact more often.
And everyone come over on French Kiss Life, all the links are below on the site and I will talk to you soon, thanks for being here.
Thank you, thanks everyone.
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