Sharon Haver:

Maybe it is my Brooklyn roots, I have this thing that, especially having a house out west, New Yorkers, real native New Yorkers and iconic cowboys have a lot in common and it is basically that we tell it like it is. One of the things that drives me totally up the wall, it is more common with women than it is with men, they just want everything to be so nice and airy fairy and sweet and pretty. I was on Facebook not that long ago and this woman I know, she is kind of a big deal and she put something up there and someone else answered her and then she went… and I was reading it a couple of times, Are you 5 years old? she went “Wah Wah Wah, I can’t hear too much negativity”.

This is something that Larry Winget could really get his hands into.

 

Larry Winget:

When I look at all those Facebook things I am always looking for a kitty cat, a unicorn, a puppy dog, a rainbow and pretty much you know if anything is written, if any words is written across a thing like that, or across a sunset or sunrise, its going to be total crap.

 

Sharon Haver:

I know, it makes me completely nuts and when you try to tell people that strong as a lion, no really you should be strong as a bull. When you try to tell someone and with me you can add on those little feminine girly type faces that you can’t read, the little squiggly type and it’s usually in turquoise or pink or the colors of the sunrise or the colors of the sunset, but it’s the typeface, once I see that type face the barf bag comes out.

 

Larry Winget:

That is why stuff is always in black with white letters on it, I am black and white; you are in the way or on the way. It’s right or wrong, we have tried to get to this place in our society where everything is grey, “Oh I don’t know, possibly, could be, maybe, I don’t know what do you think?” and we are afraid to have an opinion, we are afraid to stick up for ourselves, we are afraid to say what we really believe because we might just hurt somebody’s feelings.

That is what is wrong I think with pretty much everything right now, we’ve become and I have become… and I have a chapter in my new book called The Butt Hurt States of America, we are looking for an opportunity to be butt hurt about everything, butt hurt by the way was added to the Oxford Dictionary this year, it’s a state of being overly offended and that’s where we have gotten to. We are overly offended by everything and when that happens in a society, what ends up happening is we become weak as people, we become weak in our language, weak in our conversation, weak in our belief systems and that is what will ultimately destroy us.

 

Sharon Haver:

I totally agree and when you take it a step further to women I think and I find and I might get a lot of hate mail but I know when I am talking to a lot of people and when they say they want to do all these great things and they say they want success and they say they want this.

A they don’t want to do the work and B they are afraid what that would look like for them. So their hidden psychological mechanism, they don’t want what they are saying, the same thing about you talking all that personal development crap on stage, they want success, they want all the stuff, but they really don’t.

They don’t want to be the woman who breaks the glass ceiling, they want to be the woman who is the trophy wife because she is really pretty and stuff comes to her and I find that so interesting, so how do you deal with a woman like that? Really she is afraid of herself, she is afraid of her own power and buries it in all this girlyness.

 

08:42

 

Larry Winget:

Personally I don’t worry about that Sharon… I really don’t, I don’t worry about  the idiots in the world.

I figured out a long time ago that I have no impact on what somebody does, the best I can do is say what I believe and if somebody wants to accept it fine, if they don’t I am going to let that be their problem.

People change when they want to change, not when you want them to change, so I just stopped worrying about other people changing. I just write them off, if they don’t serve me well and believe me that is a narrow list of people who do, I don’t worry about them, I just walk away.

That is one of the nice things about being my age, is that you reach this point to say, “I don’t have time for your stupidity and I am not putting up with it”, and here is what… I think your making a mistake, your assigning all that to women have you paid any attention, men have become so incredibly weak.

Men are just as bad, they don’t want to say anything, they want it all to be sweet, they don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, they couch everything they say so that nobody will get their feelings hurt and they want it to be pretty and wonderful too.

So it is no different between men and women these days, we are just weak.

 

Sharon Haver:

I think a lot of men are afraid of confrontation they would rather just say yes, yes, yes instead of having that argument or heated discussion about what is right or wrong, what you believe in or what you don’t.

 

Larry Winget:

That is what is wrong with relationships, hell that is what is wrong with marriages, I told a guy the other day, I was at a party thing and this guy came up to me with his wife and they were standing there talking to Rosemary and I.

He said, “We’ve been married forty years and we’ve never had a fight”

I said “Then you have a crappy marriage”, their jaws dropped, they said “No we don’t we have a wonderful marriage” I said “Trust me, if you have never had a fight, you have a crappy marriage”, because neither one of you is willing to stand up to the other person, so you just put up with each other, how sad and boring that must be, my wife and I, we fight all the time. We love passionately, we fight passionately, its what makes it fun.

So these people… the same things happens in their relationships, it happens with their boss, it happens with their employees, we just put up with mediocrity and we get into this little safe place where there is no confrontation because for me to say what I truly believe somebody might not lie that.

 

Sharon Haver:

Yeah just like this woman with wah, wah wah and see no evil, hear no evil, what do you do with these people, this whole movement of everyone wanting to be positive all the time, everything is positive, positive, positive, I can hear him laughing, you could talk for three hours on that, but really we don’t live in a very positive world and I know that a lot of things bother you and they bother you because you care. So what do you think about everyone who only wants to see the good in everything?

 

11:40

 

Larry Winget:

I think that they are trying to hide their head in the sand and ignore it, believing that old line that if you ignore it, it will go away and it wont go away.

That is kind of a setup for my new book, What is Wrong With Damn Near Everything, it’s the collapse of core values and the first time I told somebody and I thought he was a trusted friend and had a brain in his head and it turns out he didn’t. I told him I was going to write a book called What is Wrong With Damn Near Everything and he said, “Oh Larry why are you so negative, why don’t you right a book called What is Right With Darn Near Everything? I said, “Who would want to read that?” and besides that if we know its right why are we bothered to talk about it, let that go.

 

The only way to fix a problem is to recognize you have a problem.

That is what became about, everything that I have ever written comes down to what is pissing me off right now, so what pissed me off when I wrote Your Kids Are Your Own Fault, I thought if we could just get our parenting back to where it should be, we could learn to create adults who could be responsible, could look you in the eye, count change, say please and thank you.

And we can change customer service, we could change leadership, we could change the financial problems that most millennial are dealing with right now and boomers are dealing with, if we just got our parenting right.

So I got pissed off about the situation the world is in, we just got to fix our parenting, when I wrote You’re Broke because You Want to Be, it was because I looked around, people didn’t have any money and they were blaming the rich for that.

When the fact is half of the country spends more money than they earn, so that is what pissed me off at the time.

Grow A Pair was easy I just looked around. We have become the weakest bunch of wimpy whiners in the world. Somebody has got to tell people to figure out what you believe and stand up for it and quit worrying what anybody else thinks.

 

This book was about everything that I see about society, from safe zones on campus’s to people cutting you off in traffic, it is a collapse of our core values.

When you look at the core values of society and you say, what do people really believe, if I walk up to people and say, “Do you believe in honesty?” I don’t know of anybody if I just randomly walked up to people in the street and said “Do you believe in honesty?” every person would say “Of course I do”, do you really believe it, “Absolutely?” well “Have you ever called in sick when you weren’t? You just wanted a day off, that’s dishonest”, 25 % of Americans cheat on their taxes.

If you believe in honesty as a core value how did we end up with Hilary and Trump as our candidates? We don’t really believe in honesty. Not enough to the fact that we are going to force people to be honest, we’ve got half of America workforce spending 2 hours a day on their personal stuff instead of doing what they are paid to do, that is dishonest.

You look at all the dishonesty going on in the world and we say we like honesty, it is what you said a minute ago, people say all this stuff but they don’t do anything. It’s like “Do you want to stop world hunger?” “You bet I do, wouldn’t it be great?”, “When was the last time you wrote a check?”.

 

Sharon Haver:

One of the other things that I know bothers you, it pisses you off just a tad and it pisses me off as well, is liars. It is the opposite of what we were just saying.

I remember when we were once talking, oh my god it just happens to me all the time, we were at some kind of book promotion or something and you were saying “Yeah, I tell someone to do it and they say they will do it on a certain day and they don’t do it, and I call them the next day and say you’re a liar, you didn’t do it”, I have to admit. I will say your full of crap, but it is really hard for me to say you are a liar with the same way that you say it, I maybe thinking it but it is something that … I will do the same thing, I will cross them off, there is one woman that we both know, yes, yes yes, you’re a lair.

 

How do you deal with someone like that, I am not Larry Winget, if I just say to someone” You are a liar”, I don’t know, it is one of the things that is the most difficult things for me to say, and it is one of the first things I think about, how does someone get around that? people don’t… I am really big on integrity and deadlines and people don’t live up to their word, what can you do if you are in a work situation and someone is promising you something and they don’t do their end of the bargain?

 

16:22

 

Larry Winget:

I believe that we have to stress in advance, we have to communicate in advance and this goes to parenting and leadership and day-to-day activities, we have to communicate in advance what we expect, and we have to communicate in advance the consequences or either delivering it or not delivering it.

 

I am very clear when I tell anybody to do anything, this is what I expect you to do and if you do it, this will happen and if you don’t do it, this will happen.

In the workplace we typically say something close to that but again we don’t want to be too harsh because they might quit and sue us, because we are afraid, we have let the idiots run our businesses now.

So we say something like that but then we don’t deliver on the consequences, that’s what is wrong with parenting too.

We have all seen it, go out in the streets and hear mama saying “Baby if you do that one more time, you’re not going to do this, this or this”, she lays out the consequences then he does it ten more times, and nothing happens.

 

We have taught people that there really aren’t any consequences for bad behavior so I do hold people accountable and as far as calling people a lair, if you say one thing and do another, you are a liar.

 

Sharon Haver:

Yeah it is true.

 

Larry Winget:

Yeah and I have no problem saying that to people and the reason I like to say that to people is because that word is so offensive.

 

Sharon Haver:

Yeah it really is.

 

Larry Winget:

If you say well you didn’t really do what you promised, well that doesn’t mean anything to them, but if you say “You are a lair”, that cuts to the core.

 

That is why I like the word, I had a guy that promised that he was going to do some cabinets here in my house, remodeling.

He said “You will have them by May 1^st””. The week before I called him and said “I am making sure because I only bought these because you promised me that I would have them by May 1^st”, “No we’re not going to be able to make that, it will be the middle of the month”, I go “No, no, no, I ordered these two months ago, and your commitment to me was May 1^st, I said I wouldn’t even buy them if I couldn’t have them by May 1^st”, he said “Well it didn’t work out”. I said then “You are a lair”, eh said, “That’s pretty harsh”, “”It’s the truth, you said one thing and your not going to do it, that means you are a liar”, he said “: No it just means that some things have come up”, I said “I don’t care what you want to call it, the fact is you said one thing and did another, you sir, are a liar”, he said “No one has ever called me a liar”, I said “No one ever had the balls that I do, I don’t guess, you’re a liar” If I said if all of us started telling people when they have lied, you are a liar.

We would stop lying, because people find it so hurtful but if we just put up with it, shake our heads and let them get by with it, in other words if we don’t impose consequences, then nothing is ever going to change.

 

Sharon Haver:

Did you get the cabinets?

 

Larry Winget:

No I got them on the 15^th of the month.

 

                        Sharon Haver:

I know… actually when we were doing our remodeling in Jackson Hole I actually stopped… I just couldn’t deal… the amount of lying there; it made New York… it just took it to a whole new level.

I decided at some point that I was either going to fight with everyone out there or I was just going to leave my hillbilly kitchen as that was the last thing in the house.

I look at my renovated house out there with my hillbilly kitchen and I am like, you know what that kitchen means I won.

One big lying contractor, I had my fancy kitchens in New York and I am damn proud of my hillbilly out west.

 

Larry Winget:

There you go.

 

Sharon Haver:

Let me ask you another thing, you get nuts when people are late.

There are reasons to it but for me it means a lot of reasons to it, you can be late for a few seconds here or there, but people who are chronically late, for me it comes back to being an entitled person, I am not important enough for you, someone ambles at the last second for no emergency, I am not important enough for you to show up on time or I am not important enough for you to actually care about my schedule, who are you.

How do you work around that? I know people being entitled, people being late, people pussy footing around and really makes you crazy and gets your gall.

So how do your around that and is there a way to judge people before you become the victim of their wimpy behavior?

 

20:54

 

Larry Winget:

You see it as entitlement in you are exactly right, I see it as going back to that collapse of core values. I see lateness as a lack of respect, you don’t respect me enough.

I think the lack of respect shows up in many ways, if you cut me off in traffic with your car, it’s not because you’ve got to be someplace more important that I’ve got to be there, the point is, you don’t respect me enough and you think you are more entitled to the road than I am.

So it doesn’t bother you to cut me off, it doesn’t bother you to cut in front of me in line, it doesn’t bother you to be rude or not hold open a door, or any of that stuff, it goes back to entitlement but it goes back even deeper in the core value of respect.

As far as how I handle it, If it is a friend and I had some dear friends who just couldn’t get to my house on time for dinner, and I am a hell of a cook, and you know if you are a cook things have to happen at certain times, and I work hard on my food and my apps and all that, if I say we are eating at 7.30pm, that means I am eating at 7.30pm, it doesn’t mean 8pm, it means it has got to happen at that time or it is not going to be as good.

A few times they were late, finally I stopped and said, “You don’t respect me”, and they said “What you are our friend”, “Well I might be your friend but if I was really your friend you would respect me enough to get here on time”. They said Larry “it’s called being fashionably late”, I said “It’s rude and there is nothing fashionable about being rude, because you don’t respect my time enough to bother to get here when you said when you would get here, so here is the deal, if I ever invite you again, which is kind of up for grabs right now, you will be on time, or that will be the end of our friendship”, and they really didn’t know how to take it, about a month later I gave them another chance and they have never been late since.

That goes back to communication and imposing consequences people let people get by with that stuff and here is the deal, if you let people get by with it, you have endorsed it, you have condoned it.

We don’t stop bad behavior until we stop condoning bad behavior and anything you put up with you are condoning.

 

Sharon Haver:

That is true and I know a lot of times it goes back to… especially with me personally, they may think I have a big mouth but I will sometimes do a “Hmmmm hmmm” not wanting to make the big deal out of it but mentally writing them off the list, writing them off the list and the thing about food.

 

People don’t know, I am very lucky I have tasted Larry Winget’s barbecue and let me tell you something, I would have licked every finger from the days when I was a vegetarian, that is stuff is really… it is so good, so when he speaks about cooking, he knows what he is talking about.

I know in New York when we have parties it drives me crazy, like you will say ‘Holiday Party 7 o’clcok’ and people will start sassing in at 9.30pm, and then what happens is the one person that shows up on time, you are stuck in this embarrassed way, hold the tray of food because I don’t dare to sit down with these people and one person is staring at you like ‘are they going to show up, are the other 20 people going to come’, it is so rude people.

 

It drives me crazy and it is a total New York, people just wander in, wander out. Okay 7.30pm, I guess I will come at 9pm. No it is 7.30pm! come at 7.35pm.

 

Larry Winget:

I agree, don’t put up with it.

 

Sharon Haver:

Don’t put up with it, tell me… give me a handful of things that people could walk away with this week to make their life more amazing and not put up with, so they can really get in touch with their core values?

 

24:55

 

Larry Winget:

Here is the deal, figure out what you really believe, I mean really believe to the point that no one could talk you out of it, believe to the point that if I held a gun to your head and said “Do you really believe this?” You really believe it.

If people just spend a little time figuring out what is so important to them that they would never compromise on it, we have mentioned a few things.

I don’t compromise on honesty, I don’t compromise on integrity, I don’t compromise on those things and a whole list of other things, you have the same issues I do.

So if people will spend a little time figuring out what they will absolutely will believe and do believe and will never compromise on and then stand up for those things, when someone imposes and infringes upon your core values, don’t let them get by with it.

Do yourself a favor… it is disrespectful to let people by with mistreating or going against your core values, so speak up. You are not doing them a favor to let them get by with it, and you are not serving yourself well.

I would say put yourself first and most people that flies in the face of all that motivational crap saying “You’ve got to put others first” oh Bull.

 

Put yourself first and you put yourself first in terms of never compromising what is really important to you, that is really important and cant be said enough, never compromise what is really important to you, you can compromise on a business deal or this or that, but if it is a core value and you have identified that, then don’t give up on it.

Speak up about it, and what I think helps especially at the beginning for somebody who is not used to this, is just start pushing it a little bit, with the people who are close to you, start in your own family.

 

Shoot… just start with yourself, saying I am not going to put up with lying to myself anymore, if I make a commitment to myself I will keep it.

When you are dealing with your kids, or your spouse, the people closest to you, your friends, make a statement that says you know I have let things slide in the past and I am not going to do it again.

And let them also hold you accountable to that standard, but set the standard first.

Sharon Haver:

And that makes it really easy too… if you set it with yourself, I remember that once we did this exercise ‘Who is the most important person?’ and then the answer was yourself. I was sitting next to someone and she was sobbing and I started looking around, all these people started sobbing as they never thought they were the most important person in their life’s, because if you cant stand up to yourself… you cant stand up to any… you’ve got to put your own oxygen mask on first, so makes it really easy and also I think… also for people who are a little afraid to take the next step, start it with your family but they are not going to disown you, they may say they will, but they are not.

Your spouse your kids, they are there, start standing up for yourself with them, if you need anything else on this, you know Larry Winget can talk and talk but you really want to read.

Larry how many books do you read? that is an interesting point.

You’ve written so many, but how many do you read?

 

29:09

 

Larry Winget:

Well in the last 35 years I have read over 5000.

 

Sharon Haver:

5000.

 

Larry Winget:

5000 books, I don’t know anybody who has read that many books, I read a lot. I read at least 2-3 books a week.

The key to reading that many books, is to read for intent, when I pick up a book I say “Okay what is the one thing I want to walk away with from this book?” and I read a lot of fiction books but I read a lot of non-fiction books but I believe that you have got to know in advance that there is going to be one thing that you are going to walk away with.

That allows you to read quickly, it allows you to read with more clarity, but the point is… one of my heroes was Jim Rohn he said if we knew better we would do better.

Everybody wants to know how you can be better and do better in life, just pick up a book and read, somebody else has done whatever you want to do, take advantage of that, figure out what they have to say.

 

Sharon Haver:

It’s so true, and I believe also that people walk away from something and they will say ‘I didn’t get anything out of it”, there is nothing that you can’t get one thing out of, there is nothing in life, even… people used to say it with stores, “I am never going shopping”, you could walk into any horrible store and find one thing, you can read any book and find one tid-bit, you could watch any movie and find one thing that is worthwhile in anything in life.

I think you just have to keep yourself open that there is always that one nugget to take away from anything or at least have it shift the way you look at things.

 

Larry Winget:

Yep.

 

Sharon Haver:

Your book is coming out, what day Larry, when can we pick up… What is Wrong With Damn Near Everything? How the collapse of core values is destroying us and how to fix it.

 

Larry Winget:

You can pre-order right now from Amazon.

 

http://bit.ly/whatswrongwithdamnneareverything

 

Or

 

https://www.barnesandnoble.com

 

It will hit all the bookstores on July 10^th, I am looking for it to be my 7^th Wall Street Journal’s best seller, everybody help me out there.

 

Sharon Haver:

The lucky 7.

 

Larry Winget:

Yeah here would be the deal, if you have issues in your life and you know you are not standing up for yourself or you look around at society and say “How has it gotten this bad?” and you want to know why it has gotten this bad and what you can do about it, this is the book for you, because why we might not agree from a political standpoint, from a liberal to a conservative standpoint, we might not agree on a religious thing or about gay marriage or any number of things, we need to all agree on if we could get back to core values, even just the core value of respect that says ‘I don’t agree with you, but I will disrespectfully disagree with you though”, it’s the matter of respect that is having the biggest impact on society right now.

 

Sharon Haver:

Absolutely and that is one of the things that I said earlier about being a New Yorker and having the place out west with cowboys, we don’t agree on anything, but we respect each others opinion and I think so many people just don’t, they are so busy being their own big puffer fish in the small little pond that they have lost respect for anyone else, other than themselves and that is hats wrong, it doesn’t matter if you really do believe in your unicorns or your own rainbows or eating macaroons in front of a picture of the Eiffel Tower, or you are Larry Winget it all comes down to being respectful to other people.

 

So Mr. Winget where are people going to find you?

 

31:37

 

Larry Winget:

I am the easiest guy to find on the Internet, you type in Larry Winget, you can go to.

 

http://www.larrywinget.com

 

You can find me on Facebook- Larry Winget’s fan page, you know that is a hoot, I mix it up with folks on there, that’s a lot of fun.

 

You can follow me on Twitter @larrywinget

 

LinkedIn, I am all over social media, I post a lot and interact with people quite a bit, I have videos and free stuff, you can go to YouTube and watch lots of different things that I have done, all my news appearances and so forth, anybody wants to find, just go to the internet and type in Larry Winget, you will find me.

 

 

Sharon Haver:

You are funny and he has got some really good meme’s there, you do those every day right?

 

Larry Winget:

Yes, I am very consistent, I don’t make things very hard, I am just consistent and I keep it simple and I have great clarity and if people just found clarity in what they believe, this goes back to what we were saying and they became consistent in their messaging and they stopped trying to make things so damn hard.

They would be amazed at how much more successful they would be.

 

Sharon Haver:

That is something you were talking about real fast before we started this and I really want to leave with people, when you are booking someone as a guest, when you want to be a guest, when you want to be a speaker, when you are connecting with another human being for let’s just say business, make it easy, this is a lesson I have learned from Larry, just make it easy. The more successful people out there are usually easiest ones to work with because the cut away all that other BS, you are just a pleasure and I know you tell people when people want to ire you for speaking, you just make it easy.

 

Larry Winget:

It has nothing to do with how much I charge, it has nothing to do with my style or my brashness or any of those things, or how caustic I am going to be on stage, when it comes to off stage, every meeting planner, every person I’ve done their podcast, or radio show or anything, I want them to walk away saying that was the easiest guy we have ever worked with.

And that is always our goal, we get that feedback a lot and it comes down again to respect, I respect their time and I appreciate the opportunity, always.

I am very thankful and very grateful but just get over yourself and be easy to do business with, that’s what it comes down to Sharon, just get over yourself.

 

Sharon Haver:

Yeah… it’s true. It’s true and the big fish in the small pond syndrome is the one that makes me crazy, your just like get over yourself, you are mot the only person in this universe, your not saving lives here. You are just helping people out, just giving them some wisdom

 

Larry Winget:

Yep totally agree.

 

Sharon Haver:

So Mr. Winget, What is Wrong With Damn Near Everything, how the collapse of core values is destroying us and how to fix it, people you can pre-order it right now, you can pick it up on July 10^th, you can find Larry Winget all over the internet and I am thrilled to have you here, I hope people got something out of this, I know they did, because if they didn’t.

 

THEY WERENT LISTENING TO YOU.

 

Larry Winget:

It’s your own fault.

 

Sharon Haver:

Yes it’s your own damn fault, if you don’t listen to it again.

Anyway folks thank you Larry Winget, thank you everyone for coming in here and talk to you soon.

Do you have any one last zinger to leave everybody with?

 

Larry Winget:

Always find clarity in your life, stop confusing yourself by making it is hard, look for clarity, if it start to feel hard, chances are you are headed for the wrong direction.

 

Sharon Haver:

It’s true… okay folks thank you Larry and talk to everyone soon, see you on the next episode, if you like this don’t forget to share it with your friends, and the book too, but make sure they buy their own copy.

Talk to you soon take care.

 

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