When you ask how to be beautiful, it’s more that beauty is how YOU see yourself

Beauty is how you see yourself

Dearest Readers:  For this week’s FocusOnStyle.com’s 15 year online anniversary online post, I want to go even further back to when Focus on Style was my weekly newspaper column.

This style motivation post from 1996 is still vital today.

Either by a reader email or asked in one of my courses or one on one stylist sessions, so many of us question how to be beautiful in hopes of some secret elixir to instantly transform ourselves. But the truth is that beauty is how we see ourselves… that’s the self-confidence that honestly makes us shine and what I try to convey with all my style advice. Enjoy this week’s throwback post! – S.H

qDear Sharon: I feel invisible, yet people tell me I am attractive. I just don’t look the way I would like. What tips do you have on how to be beautiful? –Casper the Friendly Female



A:Dear Casper: My poor self-pitying princess, look in the mirror and declare that you are beautiful!

Grab the nearest dumpster. Fill it to the brim with all your self-deprecating debris. Roll the over-stuffed canister of incredulousness down the steepest hill. Inhale. Let the demons go…Then, sweet sister of style, take stock of your physical strengths: I am sure there are many.

Physical beauty is subjective– what is stupendous to one person is hideous to the next. You must be pleasing to yourself.

Some of the most amazing looking women are so self-doubting that they coil into oblivion. Conversely, some modest looking women have such tremendous self-confidence and poise that they are perceived as extraordinary.

Self-confidence is all in how you carry yourself. Hollywood legend has it that Marilyn Monroe would virtually be unnoticed when walking down a street with a friend. Then, Marilyn would ask, “Do you want to see her?”

Off went mama mia Monroe’s glasses. On came the Marilyn walk. What happened next? Cars came to a screeching halt. Only now did she morph into Marilyn the Goddess.

I have met and worked with many celebrities who were completely indistinct and introverted until they put “it” on– and, wow! That sweet cakes, is charisma. And, this magical “something” is the most powerful form of allure that anyone can possess.

You don’t have to wiggle like Marilyn, or have a camera focused on your face to beguile, but you do have to radiate inner beauty to hold the spotlight. Discover self-admiration. Feel praiseworthy about yourself. Glow!!!

No amount of gorgeous clothes in your closet will turn you into a beauty… you must believe that you are beautiful– inside and out- to truly be a knock-out. But, proper clothing will aid to outwardly boost your inner security.

Clothing also helps elevate self-esteem. Fashion is one of the few quick-change pleasures you can experience. When you are wearing clothing that fits correctly, emphasizes figure strengths, and camouflages figure weaknesses, you feel more secure about yourself. Learn to conquer those old insecure body image demons that nest inside of you by looking terrific.

It is very true that when you are confident about your attractiveness, you send out a positive exuberance so daily tasks seem to become easier. Accept the imperfections of your body and make the most of what you have. Present an exquisite spectacle of yourself for the world to admire. Enjoy life!

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Original publish 1996; republish December 26, 2001, July 5, 2014


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